brave

I don’t know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.

Those are the words that I penned last night before going out. Sometimes I get a really bad feeling, as if the worst possible outcome of any given situation is what is going to happen. I really wish I didn’t get that, but I do.

I don’t know what to put here, I guess.

Now more than ever I have a feeling of uncertainty about the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen. And part of that is really exciting, that feeling of anything being possible. But the other part of that is really scary. It’s hard to keep everything straight and focus on figuring out your future when you feel as if a million things are flying at you and you don’t know how to balance any of them.

I know that, despite the challenges before me, this year will be so amazing and wild and I’m genuinely excited about it. I think the hardest thing for me is that I know what it will take to do all the crazy, stupid, beautiful dreams that I have and that scares me a little bit, often enough for me to just stay inside my own little bubble where it’s safe, and kind of empty. It’s easy for us to fear vulnerability in connecting with others and so forget that we miss out on so much when we never take risks in life.

What if we lived each day as if it was truly our last? What if we said the things that we wanted to say to the people we love no matter how scary it was? What if we took a leap of faith and trusted God with our future so that we didn’t have to worry about it anymore.

What if we lived?

I think sometimes we get so stuck on trying to do everything right and worrying about what happens if it would all go wrong that we never really live. Not to live recklessly, but to live intentionally, resting in the fact that we don’t have to worry about the future because we know that God is in control so that we don’t have to be.

I don’t want to be controlled by my fears anymore. I want to live knowing that it will be alright, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I want to be brave, because even in the face of an unknown future, we stand side by side with a known God.